Oh, that’s very clever! All this time I’ve just been using them for nipple clamps. How boring of me.

What’s at Publix? Is that where the cheese fairy works? Or do they sell magic so I can make my own?

I’m not sure ‘My mullet allows me to shoot diplomats’ is the best message you want to send to your cubical neighbors. Mullets aren’t even ironically cool anymore.

…and/or lack of pants ‘situation.’

If only recycling gave me monster abs and an epic beard…

Plus it makes the one-legged guy in accounting super jealous.

Do you ever get the sense that Hooked On Phonics is going to face a class-action lawsuit some day?

What, like you’ve never seen those pictures from China where they’re using bamboo for scaffolding?

Customer service is a dying art, I tell ya.

I can recognize the intentional sabotage of a fellow intern – excellent work, comrade.