Oh, that’s very clever! All this time I’ve just been using them for nipple clamps. How boring of me.

What’s at Publix? Is that where the cheese fairy works? Or do they sell magic so I can make my own?

Aw, Keanu, just go unwrap the gold foil off your chocolate Oscar and munch on that. You’ll feel right as rain.

Do you ever get the sense that Hooked On Phonics is going to face a class-action lawsuit some day?

This is the face I make every Sunday night. Even when my toner’s not low.

And when we say “Blow out your candles,” we actually mean “We set all your files on fire.”

I can recognize the intentional sabotage of a fellow intern – excellent work, comrade.

Take some TAPE or I’ll devour your DREAMS and replace them with NIGHTMARES. Tee hee!

This sign was quickly taken down after the neighboring gas station began sending their favorite ‘floor dumper’ patrons to the office bathroom.

It’s not sexual harassment if it’s written in bold across the side of a building, right?